I haven't posted in a long while. Just stuff has been pretty tiring and I can't put it into words how I feel.

I feel so drained and tired. I stay up because my parents are talking and I'm paranoid they're talking about me and I just think 'What have I done bad today?'. And every single day, I get up to see the post and there's nothing. No offers for job interviews, just nothing. And I've done everything I can to try and get one, it's just starting to feel like a personal rejection.

Well thats all the jobs I can think of. If I don't get any then I'm doomed to be a pitiful loser trying to live off 5 pounds a week of pocket money.

Breathe Me by Sia

Help, I have done it again
I have been here many times before
I Hurt myself again today
And, the worst part is there's no-one else to blame

Be my friend
Hold me, wrap me up
Unfold me
I am small
I'm needy
Warm me up
And breathe me

Ouch I have lost myself again
Lost myself and I am nowhere to be found,
Yeah I think that I might break
Lost myself again and I feel unsafe

Be my friend
Hold me, wrap me up
Unfold me
I am small
I'm needy
Warm me up
And breathe me

Be my friend
Hold me, wrap me up
Unfold me
I am small
I'm needy
Warm me up
And breathe me

Probably the best at showing how I feel. I just want to break down in somebody's arms at the moment. My family don't know, I cover up if they suspect anything. It's just they tend to yell if they think something is wrong.

I'm getting so pissed off with trying to find a job. No matter that most of my friends are spoilt and won't have to get a job for ages. My mum is yelling at me all the time to try and find one, which is making me even more nervous. She won't let me relax, I mean, I thought summer holidays (after exams) were meant to be relaxing. And I've sent tons of CV's off and nobody's even got back to me yet.

Pointless

Work during the day
Sleep during the night
For the rest of my life
I'll miss you

But life must go on
Still won't forget
I'll still mourn
Wish you were home

Where have all the flowers gone?
They've all been picked
Wilting on graves
Can hide death no longer

Cuddling with sweeties
Eating spicy pizzas
Six feet under
Feast for the maggots

Is there was a candle lit
For every pointless death
Then very soon
The whole world would be ablaze

i cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I wuas rdanieg.
The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid, aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at
Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it dseno't mtaetr in waht oerdr the ltteres in a
wrod are, the olny iproamtnt tihng is taht the frsit and lsat ltteer be
in the rghit pclae.

Thhe rset can be a taotl mses and yhou can
sitll raed it whotuit a pboerlm. Tihs is bcuseae the huuamn mnid deos
not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Azanmig huh?
yaeh and I awlyas tghuuhot slpeling was ipmorantt! if you can raed tihs
rpsoet it.

ONLY REPOST IF YOU COULD READ THE ABOVE. Please update the number at the header to include yourself.

So we were going to my grandparents and the car fucking broke down. Think it was the gear pedal which broke, whatever that is. So I can't show off my curly hair, which won't last long natural, my gorgeous new dress, or my prom pictures. And no addictive cheese biscuits, either.

Daily Mail is great to laugh at. Now they're slagging David Beckham and England off for crying. What a bunch of idiots. 8-)

Prom was amazing. Here's a pic of me in make-up and stuff.

I'm never going to forgive myself for what I said last night. I'm so sorry.

England first. I love them, I really do but I can only take so much without being sick from nerves. It's typical, I get through the first half and there's no goals. I pamper myself cos I'm so nervous and Becks scores a wonderful free-kick (I never want to see that picture of him throwing up ever again... and why the hell did I watch the clip?!). I watched the whole thing later and they are actually getting better with every game. To say they're getting worse is just unfair. Be optimistic, people!

The spa, wow. It was so perfect I can't even describe it. My room was nearly as big as my house. It was a bedroom, a bathroom and a living room all in one. And the food was just amazing. I will never have a meal that perfect in my life-time. I nearly cried when we came back home. :(

I'm tired, I have to go back into school to get my stupid form signed, I need to contact someone to sort out transport for the prom which is going to be complicated and the drills outside are doing my head in. I'll post about England and the spa tomorrow.